50-year-old parents blindside their oldest daughter by letting their 18-year-old daughter take over her condo rent-free

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  • Sisters stand together, knowing that only one of them can live in their parent's condo for free.
  • Am I wrong for asking my oldest daughter to move out of the condo I own so her younger sister can live there during college?

    I (parent, 50s) bought al small studio-style condo a few years ago as an investment/extra space. At the time, my oldest daughter (mid-20s) needed somewhere to live, so I let her move in rent-free to help her get on her feet. The
  • understanding (at least. from my perspective) was that this was temporary. Fast forward a few years, and she's still living there and hasn't been paying. rent. She's working, but hasn't made any moves toward finding her own
  • Teen girl packs up all her belongings into cardboard boxes in preparation for a big move.
  • place. I didn't push it too hard because I wanted to support her. At one point, she actually had plans to move out and live with her fiancé, so I assumed things were naturally progressing. But they ended up breaking
  • up, and she stayed in the condo. I didn't push the issue at the time because I knew she was going through a difficult situation. Now the situation has changed. My youngest daughter (18) is starting
  • college nearby in August, and I'd like her to live in the condo to save on housing costs. Because of the timing, I do have a firm deadline for when the condo needs to be available.
  • I told my oldest that I'd like her to start making plans to move out so her sister can move in. She got really upset and said I was "kicking her out" and playing favorites. She says she's comfortable there and that it's unfair to uproot her when she's
  • been living there for years. She also says rent is expensive right now and I'm putting her in a difficult position. To try to make things easier, I offered her a room in my house rent- free so she wouldn't have
  • to worry about paying rent while figuring out her next steps. She doesn't want to do that and says it's not the same as having her own place. I get that it's not easy to suddenly move, and I do feel bad, but at the same
  • time, I've been letting her live there rent-free for years, and I feel like I've been more than generous. I also don't think it's unreasonable to want to use a property I own to help my younger daughter through school.
  • Now there's tension in the family, and I'm being made to feel like the bad guy. AITA for asking my oldest to move out so her sister can live there?
  • Edit: First, thank you to everyone who responded -I didn't expect so many perspectives. A few clarifications based on common questions:
  • - The condo is a studio, so it's really only suitable for one person. - My oldest did know when she moved in that this wasn't meant to be permanent. It was always framed as helping her get on her feet. It was made
  • clear to her it was our college "dorm" plan for the youngest, before she moved in. - She actually had plans to move out about a month ago to live with her fiancé, but they broke up, which is why she's still there now.
  • - Dorming isn't really an option for us. The school doesn't require it, and my oldest daughter did dorm her freshman year; we personally didn't feel like it provided the benefits people often say it does, especially compared to the cost.
  • - When my oldest went to college, we rented. We did not make her commute from home, and don't want to make the youngest. Hence the condo.
  • -For additional context, my oldest has had about seven years of free housing and was able to graduate college debt- free, which is something I've tried hard to provide for both of my kids.
  • Right now, the main issue is timing. My youngest starts college in August, so I do have a firm deadline for when the condo needs to be available. My oldest is asking for another 6 months, but that would mean my younger
  • daughter can't use the condo as planned. After reading through the comments, I understand more why my oldest feels. blindsided, even if that wasn't my intention. At the same time, I do feel like I've been more than
  • fair in giving her years of rent-free housing and offering an alternative now. I'm planning to sit down with her again and focus less on whether it was "temporary" and more on helping her make a
  • concrete plan to move forward before August. I don't know how to approach "making her" move. She's our daughter, we never had a written agreement, not a tenant in the usual sense, and I'd prefer not to escalate things into
  • There are plenty of parents out there, and I will say, this person seems exceptionally kind and open to trying to parent their kids in the best way possible

    something legal or damaging to our relationship if it can be avoided. Appreciate the input- even the critical ones.
  • WoollySocks NTA. She's had her turn living for years for free in your condo, now it's her sister's turn. Simple as.
  • emlabkerba your daughter is acting entitled because you've entitled her to too much. It's your younger daughters turn to get the help. And geez oh petes, she's comfortable there?? Rent is too expensive but she won't take a free room in your house?? She needs to be uncomfortable and fund her own way.
  • This is a good point: the parent is deciding on someone else's living conditions, and they just don't need to make that choice alone

    Both-Enthusiasm7... I am gonna go against that grain and say YTA. It sounds like you have never had a conversation with her that laid out your expectations. This whole post sounds like you only wanted her to stay for a couple of months, but then let things slide. The problem is that now she thinks of the apartment as
  • her home, because you never gave her limits or guidelines. She see this as you taking away her home to give it to her sister. Is she acting a bit spoiled, yes, but that is an issue you created because apparently you never wanted to discuss the living arrangement with her.
  • I would suggest discussing rules for living in the apartment with your youngest before she moves in.
  • Any_Buy_772 You could also tell her that her sister is moving in with her and put two twin beds in there. That might be a good motivation for her to find a room somewhere.
  • Lavaine170 ESH. You failed to set expectations with older daughter for years, let her get comfortable with her no responsibility, rent-free lifestyle, and now you're pushing her out with a few months notice.
  • Your daughter has taken advantage of you for years, and she knows it, and now she's angry that the gravy train is ending.
  • Luxurious studio apartment in a condo.

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